I call it the Awakening — when something hidden becomes is revealed and you can’t deny it. I learned something about myself recently. And although I may have known about it for awhile, I had not quite articulated it in such a startling way. For years I’ve struggled with my weight and after seeing my body make a notable shift recently, I decided do something about it…. again.
So, I considered a plan that offered accountability and a more wholistic approach to health and weight loss but decided against it because of the cost. Instead, I signed up for an online service but was inconsistent with tracking my food intake and often fell on a slippery slope whenever I binged.
But just recently, I decided to incorporate another approach because it closely aligned with my spiritual side — using the Word of God as a foundation for strength and discipline. This perspective advocated transformation from the inside and not just change.
I soon discovered that success only works with consistency and application — by using God’s Word daily to help shepherd me through and eating right. With this process, I was learning to use God’s Word against the obstacles that hindered my journey.
After following this plan for more than a week — reading and meditating on the Scriptures and letting go of the foods that robbed me of good health — I stepped on the scale and lost 2 pounds. While this may not have been much, I still could not believe it! So I rejoiced and thanked God for the loss and for helping me get through the week. I had finally found a plan that worked but also provided strength and encouragement to continue.
But what did I do after that? I became so assured with success that I suddenly began a slow descent down the abyss into the sweet land of cookies and chocolate. What in the world!
Self-Sabotage on the prowl
Self-sabotage. That’s what I call it now. I couldn’t handle the fact that I’d lost a couple of pounds — as if I didn’t deserve success. What is that all about? As I delved deeper into the me that no one else knew about, I understood now that this had been a pattern over the years.
This played out in procrastination. Downplaying my accomplishments. Not fully accepting compliments from others. Retreating from progress and heading in the opposite direction. But how in the world did I end up here? And how had I not identified it before now?
So right behind the moments of exultation stood something else – the thought that I did not deserve what I had earned. The culprit? The damaging thoughts lurking around teasingly in my mind that were contrary to what I believed about who I am from God’s perspective.
This was indeed an eye-opener for me. God revealed a flaw that I had not previously identified. But it was so hauntingly visible that I could no longer hide behind myself. I absolutely had to seek a workable solution. It’s one thing to not know something about yourself – but to know something that is counter intuitive to who you are and what you represent – you absolutely have to do something about it.
But how do you change what has been so much a part of you that it refuses to let you go – and you unknowingly accept it as truth?
Stay tuned.
Women in Purpose 