I recently made a commitment to do something during Lent, which is typically a time of sacrifice. I decided to give up some foods that had become almost a daily obsession. I’d struggled to stop eating them over the years and thought it would be impossible to do so for any length of time. I called it denying my flesh; not taking orders from my flesh.
So on Easter I reached that milestone and had not given in before then. Not because I no longer craved my favorite binge foods, but because I refused to give in. I made a commitment to myself and wanted to get through unscathed. I was determined to not slide down the slippery slope of to the sweet land of junk food. But I wanted to so badly– particularly when I was going through an emotional period. Particularly when I walked into the stores and my favorite beverage stood too close to temptation near the entrance and back in other places that I was sure to walk upon. Particularly when I ate certain foods tended to heighten my desire for the forbidden. And on the weekends as when I got stuck mid-sentences and the words refused to magically appear on the page. And don’t forget night time just before I’d go to bed.
Here I was on the last day of this journey I had succumbed. Nor did I want to. After all, this journey was surely coming to an end, and I could once again enjoy my favorite unhealthy junk food. Surely, the potato chips, chocolate and soda were on the tip of my taste buds! But guess what? Eating my obsessions was not as emergent then as it was on the days of restriction. During the time of sacrifice, I had worked through the cravings and ignored them so the temptation to seek them out had lost its appeal.
But I noticed some very interesting things about myself during this month-and-a-half journey. It was definitely an eye opener about the things that still resided on the inside. Although I had to change some habits in order to not put myself at risk of falling, I steadfastly I refused to give in. But then I developed a taste for foods that were not in my usual rotation and they became the secondary addiction. Sure, I stayed away from the main triggers but opened the floodgates with alternatives.
But in the days immediately following my restrictions, I decided to indulge a little. So, I ate a small bag of chips, had some dessert and then chocolate a day later. And into another day. So then began another cycle of giving in. since then, I’ve come to my senses and had a new revelation and had to ask myself. Was I committed or just involved?
Women in Purpose 