Women in Purpose

I recently made a promise to be more committed to my health by giving up my devotion to kinds of foods that I’ve had a love affair with for much of my life.

So, I endeavored to give them up for about two months, hoping that at the end the taste for these foods would no longer entice my palate; that the lure of menacingly good chocolate and crunchy chips would be behind me.  

But when my self-imposed restriction came to an end, I slowly abandoned the course that I was on for nearly 60 days and started trekking backwards. Sure, it started innocently enough and — ever so slowly; steadily, but consistent with regaining my addictions. And before I knew it, my appetite was ripe again for the forbidden.

Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t fallen deeply into the abyss again yet, but far enough to question my own loyalty.

So — was I serious about my commitment to getting healthy or was I more adherent to the timeframe? While I held high the banner of giving up something that wasn’t good for me and wanted badly to shout it out, but was I taking note of the changes in my mind, body and spirit that were needed to fuel future success?  And was I willing to take control of my health rather than allow it to go wayward at the first opportunity? And how eager was I to make the lifestyle shift for long-term gain or was this merely a short-term leap?

Interesting enough — my earnest intent was for this to be a full lifestyle shift. After all, if I could do this for two months, why not longer? And going into it, I thought for sure that this was a true commitment, something that was was over and beyond involvement.

But now that I am on the other side, I understand that perhaps I had not made a heart commitment. My mind was there but the urgency, the desire and the want had not quite reached my heart. The intent was there. My mind was on board because I needed a sense of accomplishment in this area and wanted to move the needle somewhat. I also knew that once I set my mind in the direction of success, I could achieve it. Sure, I would fight temptation every step of the way because this would surely be a battle.

In the Deep

But heart matters are deeper because they are nearer to the core. And the closer something gets to the core— the more deeply seated the desire is and the further away it moves from the superficial. The more matters move to the core, the closer they approach the seat of our motivation.

 What stood stark clear to me was my desire for better health had not found a path to my heart. My motivation to change had not connected with the right motivation. I’d put so much effort into making sure that I at the right foods and denied myself the wrong foods but I did not have enough insight to permanently change my behavior in the process. What was the long-term plan once the period was over? How would I continue to deny my flesh? How could I not yield to temptation when it was all around me? What would I eat instead?

And the big why? Why was I doing this in the first place? What did it matter?